February 1, 2018 – A New Month; A New Start

I think 2018 is going to be the year I follow through with and or finish things. I’m going to finish writing The Mask; Her Aid. Then, I’ll hopefully finish writing my dystopian novel. I’m finally following through with my decision to organize all of my papers, upload most to the computer, and dispose of the paper copies except for select exceptions–like specific/important songs, original copies of things that just feel like they need to be on paper. Things like that. Today, I organized all of my papers into binders and folders. Now, they’re sitting on the TV stand. It looks so neat and organized!

I also shredded ALL of my Pretty Little Liars and Buffy the Vampire Slayer papers. I had nearly 200 sheets of paper combined! I’ve decided that in 2018, I’m not going to read or watch anything I can’t read or watch with the girls and any younger siblings. 7th Heaven has really influenced me to be the best example I can be! Matt always tries to be the best example and Mary failed to be a good example. I thought about ditching PLL and Buffy a lot in 2017, but didn’t actually do it. This year I am though. I’m also probably not going to continue watching Riverdale. Idk that there’s anything particularly wrong with it, but it also doesn’t really teach any good morals. I’m gonna stick to shoes like Heartland, 7th Heaven, Boy Meets World, Full House, Fuller House, and all those older shows. I asked people on Facebook what kind of shoes they’d recommend like those shoes and maybe like The OC, One Tree Hill, Gilmore Girls, and Hart of Dixie. I’m tired of shows like Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer that are constantly going on about sex and other stuff. Buffy did have some good lessons in it, so I’m gonna keep those scenes, but otherwise, I’m getting ride of all of it! It’s garbage and if I can’t watch it with kids, then I shouldn’t watch it all!

Anyway, I woke up this morning and read my Bible. Then, I started watching 7th Heaven and organizing my papers. I had to stop to walk Naomi home from school. When I got home, I watched another episode of 7th Heaven and organized some more. Then, I left to put the kids to bed for mom so she could go watch the game and Buffalo Wild Wings. I stayed for a while to make sure they went to bed. Bonnie and I had fun with Snap Chat filters before I went home again. At home, I continued to watch 7th Heaven and organize papers. Now, I’m gonna take my turns on Words with Friends, maybe read a chapter of The One, and go to bed!

January 30, 2018

Today, I woke up and I think I read my Bible, but I don’t remember. I went to the post office to pick up mail. We STILL don’t have our mail box open! 😒

When I got home, I put chicken in the little crockpot and beef patties with bell peppers and onions in the big crockpot. The chicken didn’t seem to cook correctly, so I tossed it out. The patties look and smell really good though! We’ll see tomorrow! While I was chopping the onion I full on cried! Haha. It was almost painful! 🙈

Then, I watched both The Maze Runner & The Scorch Trials for the first time! I hadn’t realized it had been four years since I read the books and bought the first movie! 📚 🎥 Dylan O’Brien is so cute! 😍 Then, of course, I watched 7th Heaven.

I saved all of my Chase paychecks to my budgeting files to make it easier when I want to look them up! I also shredded a bunch of papers and have to do more tomorrow! I’m trying to organize all the stuff I have and don’t need, especially papers related to bills and finances!

We didn’t have bible study tonight, because Sarah is sick. 😷 🤒 😔 I’m bummed that I didn’t get to go, but I’m also kind of glad I got to stay home! Haha.

I walked to pick up Lydia from school today. We talked about school and 7th Heaven. I told her that she doesn’t need to watch PLL even when she is old enough. Though, I supposed she may be “old enough” to watch it now. I think Jacob was 14 when he started watching it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ve decided I won’t be watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel anymore as I won’t be finishing BFF. Too many things about season six of Buffy especially are unbiblical and in your face. If it wasn’t for that season, then it might be passable, but it was a really important season, so… I guess I won’t be watching it anymore. Definitely not season 6 and most likely not the rest of it! What’s the point if parts of it are cut out?

Oh! And when I went to my car today, the driver’s side window wouldn’t roll up! 😩 Papa thinks it’s an easy $3 fix, so we’ll look at Saturday! I’m praying that’s what it is! I need that window! My a/c doesn’t work and I won’t be able to fix it anytime soon☀️🔥

Anyway, I think that’s all… so, I’mgoing to bed!

20 Years of Buffy!

Buffy The Vampire Cast Reunion Shoot (2017) Actors from left to right, Amber Benson, Alyson Hannigan, Nicholas Brendon, Emma Caulfield, Alexis Denisof, Charisma Carpenter, Seth Green, David Boreanaz, Sarah Michelle Gellar, James Marsters, Michelle Tracthenberg and Kristine Sutherland, with creator Joss Whedon in the foreground of Buffy The Vampire Slayer photographed exclusively for Entertainment Weekly by James White on March 7th, 2017 in Los Angeles. Styling: Annie Jagger/The Only Agency; Boreanaz's Styling: Rob Bolger; Prop Stylist: Andy Henbest/Art Department; Production: Allison Elioff/Sunny 16 Productions; Benson's Hair: Toni Chavez/The Only Agency; Makeup: Adrienne Herbert/Art Department; Dress: Self Portrait; Shoes: Saint Laurent; Jewelry Erickson Beamon; Hannigan's, Denisof's Hair: Stephen Sollitto/TMG-LA; Makeup/Grooming: Marcus Francis/Starworks Artists; Hannigan's Dress: ALC; Shoes: Saint Laurent; Denisof's Shirt: Dolce and Gabbana; Blazer: John Varvatos; Boots: Ralph Lauren; Brendon's, Whedon's Grooming: Erika Parsons/Art Department; Brendon's Jacket:G Star; Shirt: John Varvatos; Jeans: G Star; Boots: Frye; Whedon's Jacket: John Varvatos

Okay, so I'm gonna make this short and sweet, partially because I've only got a few minutes until midnight and partially because I have a ridiculous amount of Buffy posts planned for the future!

Anyway, I just wanted to take a moment to recognize that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is 20 years old!!! Sadly, I have not been a part of the fandom for 20 years, on account of me being 3 when it premiered, but I have been a SUPER FAN for just over a year now, especially for the past few months since I finished it! Dude! Buffy and her universe have changed my life in so many amazingly positive ways and I can't wait to share those ways with you! I'll have some life lesson/inspirational posts and some uber fangirl pick the show apart posts coming very soon! Until then, just know that no matter what you obsess over, never let people drag you down for it! I've had obsessions that have quite literally saved my life and I've had other obsessions that have simply enhanced my life through knowledge and wisdom! Buffy has changed my life in too many ways to mention right now, so keep an eye out and you'll see lots of great (if I do say so myself) posts related to Buffy soon! 😁

Happy Birthday Buffyverse! You've changed the world and my life in so many ways it's not even funny! Thanks for that! And thank you Joss Whedon, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and all the other people involved for putting the work in to create such an AMAZING world for all of us! 💖 If I might say it–y'all definitely slayed! 😉

I Don’t Understand Why Life is Short

 

I mentioned in my blog post for 20 Years of Buffy that I plan on writing life lesson/inspirational posts inspired by Buffy. My intentions are to write one per episode or cluster of episodes, depending on what quotes or lessons I can get from them. In this post, I’m sharing a scene from the first episode of season one and the sixteenth episode of season five, because they seem to go together quite well, especially given the nature of what I’m going to write.

 

On May 12, 2017, my grandpa (paternal grandfather) peacefully passed away in a lost battle against cancer while sleeping. On the morning of May 22, 2017, it was announced Executive producer Marsh McCall of Fuller House passed away unexpectedly. Then, later in the evening of the same day, it was reported that there was an attack at Manchester Arena during an Ariana Grande concert that killed 22 people and injured 59 others.

My grandpa’s viewing, or wake, was on Sunday, May 21, 2017. As the evening went on and various people spoke and shared memories of Grandpa Willis, I watched as many of my twelve brothers and sisters and various other family members took turns breaking down in tears. I personally am not a crier, but I do feel immensely deep emotions that are only intensified by the emotions of others, so my feelings were through the roof as I watched each of my siblings react in their own unique ways. My sixteen-year-old brother is like me; we don’t really cry. My mom, dad, twenty-one-year-old brother (who, as requested by Grandpa, stayed in Virginia where he and his wife are stationed for his position in Navy), and eighteen-year-old sister are alike in that it’s incredibly rare for them to cry, but they will in emotional moments like at a funeral. My fourteen-year-old brother, twelve-year-old sister, nine-year-old sister, and seven-year-old sister are the emotional time bombs of the family. They’re always dramatic and act accordingly to the situation. Sometimes, it’s completely understandable, like at a funeral, while other times it’s just completely over the top. Then, there is the thirteen-year-old girl, eleven-year-old boy, and eight-year-old boy, who are completely unpredictable. Sometimes they’re as emotional as the time bombs and other times they’re as calm as the sixteen-year-old and I are. Finally, there are the five-year-old boy and the four-year-old girl. I’m not nearly as familiar with their emotions as I am with the others, because I moved out when she was almost two and he was three. I did expect them not to know what was really going on though and I was right.

The five-year-old was rambunctious and restless, because he didn’t understand why he had to sit and be quiet for so long. The four-year-old was just as restless, but not quite as rambunctious. I’d say it’s probably because she carries herself like a princess, while he’s all boy, but I don’t really know what was going on in their little heads. I do know that on May 22, 2017 while we were sitting through the funeral service, they were both incredibly excited. John, the five-year-old, was in awe of the fact that we got to see pictures of Grandpa when he was young and in the Navy up on the TV screens, while Bonnie, the four-year-old, got a kick out of being just tall enough to see Grandpa’s nose and bald head over the casket. It may seem odd for me to say this about something that happened at a funeral, but my heart was filled with somber joy at the sight of their innocence. They understood everyone was sad, but they didn’t know why. They just knew that we were there to see Grandpa and that we were seeing him in an unusual way.

What broke my heart the most though was watching them sit with Momma at the graveyard and look around at all the crying faces. I watched as the light slowly dimmed in their eyes as they realized that something was wrong. They didn’t know what, but they did know from the tears streaming down everyone’s faces that something was terribly wrong. Like Anya in the second clip, they knew that Grandpa was gone, but they couldn’t understand where or why he was gone. None of us could. We all hope and expect that, because he claimed to put his faith in the Lord, that he is going to heaven, but we don’t truly know where he is or why he’s gone and that’s what hurts the most. That’s why the light in John and Bonnie’s eyes slowly dimmed while they looked around at everyone’s tear-streaked faces. We don’t have all the answers to the millions of questions running through our minds as we say goodbye to a loved one. My family and I don’t have all the answers, the cast of Fuller House and everyone else who knew their producer don’t have all the answers, and the friends and families of the Manchester Arena victims don’t have all the answers. Do you know what we do have though? We have hope. We can hope for a better day. We can hope and believe in the Lord God Almighty who died on the cross so that we might never have to shed another tear or feel another moment of pain ever again. We can also find hope from the words of Buffy Summers in the first clip—”seize the moment” or as Willow will say in a later episode not shown here, “Carpe diem.”

Whatever your beliefs may be, no one knows when anyone will breathe their last breath. Thankfully, in the case of my grandpa, we at least had a warning that he would very likely be passing away sooner than later. There was no warning for anyone that Marsh McCall would be passing away though, and certainly no one expected that going to a pop concert for Ariana Grande at Manchester Arena would lead to any fatalities. In past years, there was no warning that the young lives of Lauren Bump or Christina Grimmie would be taken at only twenty-four and twenty-two respectively. Most people don’t go into their day with the knowledge that it’s going to be or likely could be their last day on earth. That just doesn’t happen. If it did, then we wouldn’t need sci-fi movies, because we’d be living in one.

So, let us follow the wise, albeit cliché—as she points out in the full scene—words of Buffy Summers: “Seize the moment, ‘cause tomorrow you might be dead,” and let us all also remind ourselves as often as we can that, “life is like the morning fog–it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.” James 4:14.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, then I’m going to go reread my blog posts about Lauren Bump and Christina Grimmie, because sometimes, you need a fresh reminder of why seizing the moment is so important and few things can remind me more than the remembrance of two girls who were my age when their lives were suddenly cut short.

how-lucky-am-i

Nathan Scott - Missing Someone

Pray for Manchester

“I Will Remember You (Buffy and Angel)”

((Verse 1))

You were everything to me

I was everything to you

I’d have given everything to be

Always and forever with you

You would have given your life for me

And I would have given mine for you

[Pre-Chorus]

Too bad no one told our hearts

We were doomed from the start

[Chorus]

Just like Romeo and Juliet

We were doomed as soon as we met

It didn’t matter what we desired

You and I were both on fire

Set aflame by something else

Something stronger than ourselves

((Verse 2))

You were life and breath to me

I was that and more that to you

I would have chosen to die and bleed

If it had meant I could be with you

You would have stayed with me forever

But you thought that I deserved better

[Pre-Chorus]

Too bad no one told our hearts

We were doomed from the start

[Chorus]

{Bridge}

Now all I need is you to know

I never wanted to let you go

So even as I move on now

I need you to know somehow

I will remember the time we shared

I will remember how much you cared

And I will remember how much it hurt to know

[Chorus]

Living in the Shadows of the Spotlight

“They’re special, no doubt. The amazing thing is, not one of them will ever know, not even Buffy, how much harder it is for the rest of us…. They’ll never know how tough it is to be the one who isn’t chosen. To live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody’s watching me. I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You’re not special. You’re extraordinary.”

Xander Harris – Buffy the Vampire Slayer

If my life were a book, TV show, or movie about a super human or the “Chosen One,” then I’d be the goofy side kick. If my life were a cheesy chick flick, then I’d be the best friend of the girl who gets the guy. If my life were a sitcom, then I’d be the comedic relief or the character with all the random facts and quotes. If my life were printed or scripted, then I’d be the character who is easily overlooked in her world. I’m not the most important person in the world and I don’t have any special talents or powers. I’m just me.

In high school, one of my best friends was a model and my two other best friends were not only two of the best players on our volleyball and basketball teams, but one of them was also the worship leader at our Christian school while the other was the best female student in our school. Now I have a best friend who is on the worship team, and at one point was the worship leader, at our church so she’s often in the spotlight being complimented and talked about for her musical talents. My other best friend will soon be moving across the world with Cru—formerly known as Campus Crusade for Christ—and is therefore kind of a “super Christian” because she’s leaving everything she’s ever know to be the “Chosen One” who helps further the kingdom of God. Even my younger siblings are all a lot better at most things than I am. My oldest brother is married and living on the east coast while serving in the US Navy, my oldest sister is a thin, blonde cheerleader, my next brother is one of the smartest kids in the class of 2019. The next brother is potentially on the verge of becoming a YouTube star, the next sister is super smart and athletic, the next sister is an awesome dancer, and the list goes on and on and on (did I mention I’ve got twelve younger brothers and sisters?) I am no stranger to living in the shadows of the person who’s always in the spotlight.

Some might think that living in the shadows of someone who is in the spotlight is a hard job. It is, sometimes, but most of the time it’s incredibly rewarding. I’m not really the best at anything I do. I’m not a model, I wasn’t great at sports in high school, I was an average student, I’m not on the worship team at church, and I’m not moving anywhere to further the kingdom of God. I do get to watch all those people though. I get to observe them as they take on the responsibilities of their roles and I get to be there to encourage them when they need it most. I see people who are falling apart. I see people who are living on cloud nine. I see people who need a hug or an encouraging word and I see people who need a gentle nudge of a reminder that they need to come back down to earth. I am the goofy sidekick. I am the best friend of the girl who gets the guy. I am the comedic relief and the girl with all the random facts and jokes.

I am all those things, but I also have the biggest heart. I don’t live in the spotlight and I don’t want to. Even if I do become a famous published author, blogger, and or YouTube star like I’d like to be, then I’ll still just be the girl in the shadows. I’ll go to interviews and be super awkward. I’ll win awards and be complimented on my work and I’ll find someway to turn those things into something I could praise someone else for. If I win an award, then I’ll say it’s only because of my fans and my friends and family, not because it’s the thing to say, but because it’s true. If I ever become a successful author or musician, then it will be because of the people in my life whom I get to watch be successful in their own roles in life.

To be perfectly honest, if I ever become famous for anything, then it’s either going to be because I’m a major fangirl or because I write about the people I watch and observe. Actually, it’ll probably be for both reasons. I can’t really have one without the other. I am the sidekick living in the shadows, because my role in life is to geek out about fandoms and to observe the people around me while loving and caring for them deeply because I’ve learned how to from the fandoms God has allowed me to be a part of. I’m a fangirl. I live in the shadows. I’m not special or talented. I am just me and me is just fine!