July 13-15, 2018

It’s been a busy and emotional 2 weeks, so I haven’t been updating every night like I’d like to! I’ve already mentioned that my best friend, Holly, came home for a couple weeks before going back to her forgoing home 10,000 miles away. And that’s why I’ve been so busy and emotional!

On the 13, the convertible I was borrowing from the Mather’s was mistakenly towed from guest parking because the towers got a little tow happy! I was already drained from all the reason car problems I’ve been having and from all the socializing, so I just stayed home in my pjs all day and applied for a few normal jobs. I figure if God really wants to me to have a normal job, then He’ll have some contact me, if not then I suppose I can keep driving for Uber Eats, which I really love!

Yesterday the 14, I went back to the Mather’s again and stayed there for several hours. This time Allie and Henry were briefly there too! 😁

Today, I woke up and went to church. Holly was there and Priya showed up too! After services, Holly spoke to the church about her life in Indonesia! Then, Bill, Morgan, and I went home with the Mather’s and played Scrabble and Charades. Next, we met Priya at Floore’s for a couple hours. Toward the end, we ran into the Reisers.

When we got back to the Mather’s, we played Telephone Pictionary a couple times, chatted a bit, and the Bill and Morgan left. Priya stayed because she’s staying with them for a few days. I drug my feet before leaving because I didn’t want to go! Holly will still be in SA until Thursday, but since I have summer camp with the youth, I’m leaving tomorrow and won’t be back again until she’s gone.

I think I was on the verge of tears all night, but I didn’t start crying until I was driving down the hill from their house. Holly came outside with me, because I still don’t like the dark, I’m a little nervous that if I go out by myself in the dark I might trip down the hill, and honestly I just wanted to say goodbye to Holly by myself. It was a little weird to cry, since I don’t normally cry, but saying goodbye this time was a lot harder than saying goodbye last time! I think last time even though I knew she was moving, in the back of my mind I must have thought it would be like Jordan or her short trip to Thailand and Indonesia. Now, I know it’s much, much longer than that! It’s not a few weeks and she’s back. It’s hundreds of days and then she visits. It’s okay though, she’s living the Lord’s will and I do genuinely feel blessed to love someone who makes saying goodbye so hard! Anyway, I need to go. I have to get up in the morning for camp and I’m about to cry again! β€οΈπŸ’”

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July 12, 2018

I delivered an order from McDonalds to Sea World. When I tried to leave Taco Palenque to deliver from there my car wouldn’t start. So, I called USAA for a tow. The tow man was able to start my car and said he thinks the issue is the starter so I drove to the Mather’s. Scott said it is the starter. So, now Dora is at the Mather’s and I’m borrowing their convertible. It’s tiny, but I’m grateful for anything that lets me drive.

When I got to the Mather’s house no one one was home so I sat in their living room writing for like half an hour before Scott got there. Then, the others arrived and I sat chatting with them for a while until Holly and I left so I could eat, we could hang out, and she could get a feel for Uber Eats.

I made it all the way home before realizing I left my house key with my car keys. I was going to go to Buffalo Wild Wings to borrow Savannah’s keys, but she left early because she was sick. So, I called Nanny to see if she was there, because she wasn’t at home and didn’t answer when i called her. She and all the others were at Nanny’s, so Holly and I chatted with them before coming to the house so I could eat. Then we went back to give Savannah her keys, made two Uber deliveries, and went back to her house. While there she took the Pottermore quiz. She’s a ravenclaw, of course.

July 10, 2018

I woke up and went driving for Uber.

I met Aaron and Bill at the church for a church camp meeting.

I went to the Mather’s and played half a game of Scrabble before leaving for small group with Holly.

Holly drove us back to the house where we chatted and the whole family took turns working on a puzzle Allie and Henry gave them for Christmas.

Do You Trust Me? – July 9, 2018

I woke up and the weather was overcast, but not raining, so I went to drive for Uber Eats. It quickly started raining and got worse with every second. I knew I should go home, but I didn’t. That’s when I heard the voice in my heart–the Holy Spirit–ask, “Do you trust me?”

“I’m trying to trust you,” I thought as I kept driving. “That’s why I’m still driving through this rain.” Deep down, I knew that’s not what He meant, but He didn’t ask again, so I didn’t think much of it.

Then, after my next order, I heard it again, “Do you trust me?”

I thought, “God, if you want me to turn back, then please show me by not giving any quick orders so I’ll know.”

I kept getting quick orders, so I kept driving.

“Do you trust me,” He asked again. At this point, I knew He knew I knew what He meant. It was still a gentle voice like before, but also knowing.

“Okay…” I thought. “After these two deliveries you just gave me, I’ll go home.” And I put myself offline beginning after the orders.

I was resigned to do what I knew I needed to do and feeling silly for not listening in the first place. Of course He could keep me from getting orders, but it was a rainy day. The odds of not getting orders would literally take a miracle. Nobody wanted to leave their house today. Besides, He was, is, and has been for sometime trying to teach me a lesson.

I was stressing out about going home, but trying to trust God. I’ve been struggling for money for a little while now, and I have basically just ate, slept, went to church, and drove for Uber Eats none stop for several weeks. I’d only done laundry when absolutely needed, I hadn’t been doing dishes and eventually stopped using anything but paper/plastic, and my personal belongings were everywhere. It basically looked like a tornado had hit or “it appears there was a struggle.” I knew it would take a while to clean up my messes and it always takes forever to do laundry because I have to wait on the machine, so I just kept putting things off and putting things off. It was maddening and I’m glad I hadn’t had time to have anyone over, because it would have been terrible!

Anyway, when I got home, I felt the mini anxiety attack I’d been feeling for weeks every time I looked at my apartment come over me. “Oh,” I thought. “This is why I need to come home. I mean, safety first, but also now I can tackle the mess that is my home!” And I got to work. I cleaned, organized, and threw away. I’d been wanting for a while now to get rid of anything I don’t need or use regularly, and I finally did that today. For the most part, everything that is still in my apartment is used regularly. Now, I’m sitting in my living room, tired from the manual labor of housework–my Fitbit says I took 6,000 steps and I carried and lifted a lot–and enjoying the freedom that is a clean and organizing environment. Once I finished writing this, I’ll be changing into clean pjs and climbing between clean sheets, and sleeping more peacefully than I have in a while!

For now though, I’m thinking about learning lessons. 1) Trusting God with the future is not the same as trusting Him with the now. If I’m not at peace in the moment, then I don’t have my complete trust in Him. I’m a step closer, because I know He’ll provide for me like He has in the past, but I’m not quite there yet. I’m still struggling with the now. 2) Just like Zach Williams sings, fear is a liar. πŸ€₯ So are anxiety and worries. Yes, technically they are the same thing, but not completely. They do have slightly different connotations. Regardless, they equate to the same thing–not trusting God to take care of me. I’m working on that too! I have an almost crippling phobia for spiders and paranoia for the dark and bodies of water. It’s completely irrational and I know it is, but I can’t seem to help it. I’m working on being fearless though. I’m working on letting go and letting God. And while I’m working, He’s working harder. 3) If I would work on controlling the things I’m supposed to control and let God control everything else, then I’d be a lot happier and far more at peace. I’m supposed to control the state of my apartment, when and where I spend my money, and most of the time whether I work or not. God controls pretty much everything else, or at least He’s supposed to if I’d let Him. So, I’m working on that too! Working when I can, but without stressing myself out. Not spending money on things unless I truly need them, because what I need right now is to pay off my bills. Not stressing about things that are not in my control. And finally, cleaning up after myself every time I use something so it won’t pile up and stress me out later!

If you’re reading this, then please do me a favor! Pray with me that I will stress less, fear less, and stop making literal and figurative messes!

July 8, 2018

I woke up and went to church. I was supposed to be there at 8:45 to help with coffee, but my hair was being dumb and I briefly lost track of time. Then, I spilled some coffee. And as I was leaving I scraped my foot on the door. When I got to church a few minutes late, the coffee was already taken care of. So, I just walked around a bit until prayer and then went to service and youth.

After church, my engine was making a funny noise. As it turns out, the clutch we replaced for the ac was faulty and doesn’t work anymore, so we’ll have to replace it under warranty whenever Mr. Scott gets a chance.

After papa and I figured that out, I left to work. It was hot and humid at first, then it started raining so it was only warm and humid. Then it cooled down some. I’m not sure if I’d rather it be cooler with rain and foggy windows or hotter than anything if I don’t have ac, but I love the rain, so hopefully it stays foolish until my ac is fixed again

July 2-5, 2018 πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ

7/2

I woke up and spent the day driving for Uber from like 10am to 12:30am, because I was in desperate need of money to pay rent!

7/3

I drove from 9ish to 5 something before stopping for dinner before small group. We discussed I Samuel 11-15. Then, I drove some more until midnight. My first delivery after small group was from a bar where there was a standup comedian who announced my entrance to the whole bar. That wasn’t fun! πŸ™ƒ

Dad got into a car accident. A truck hit him in the side/back and now he’s in the hospital. We don’t know how long he’ll be there because he’s going through PT as he slowly regains feeling and movement in his left side. There doesn’t seem to be much to worry about, but it is still concerning.

7/4

Fourth of July and Holly’s home for a few weeks! 😁 Holly got into San Antonio on Tuesday afternoon. The next morning, this day, I went over to their house to celebrate the 4th with them at Medina Lake where we jet skied! It was so much fun! Then, of course, we went back to the house and played scrabble! We also played Uno.

7/5

I woke up to a panic because the statement reflected a late fee, but I went to the office and she waved it for me. I spent the rest of the day driving for Uber Eats. I really like being self-employed! It makes me want to work!