Several years ago, I decided I wanted to write an essay about the pros and cons of being single vs being in a relationship, but I didn’t end up writing the essay. Fast forward to a few months ago, I decided I wanted to try again, but it still didn’t work. The reason being, that the majority of my single friends mostly came up with the cons of being single, while my friends with boyfriends mostly only came up with the pros of being in a relationship. After the second time around, I realized why it seemed so impossible for me to write anything comparing the pros and cons of being single vs being in a relationship. The problem isn’t that relationships only have pros, while being single only has cons. It’s that women have a warped concept of what being single means. The majority of us spend our days dreaming of the day when prince charming will come riding in on his white horse and sweep us off of our feet. I mean, that’s how we were raised right? Haven’t we all grown up watching all of those fairytale movies about how the princess is supposed to sit alone in her tower until the prince comes to save her from the dragon? In our world, we’re the princesses, being single is the dragon, and our future or current boyfriend is the prince.
I know all of the above is true for me, I spent all of my high school years wrapped up in this idea that being single was a bad thing and the only way to get away from it was by being saved by my prince. And, ya know what? I was right! I was trapped inside a tower that was guarded by a dragon and I needed a prince to save me! However, I was also deceiving myself. While I was trapped in a tower that was guarded by dragon that wouldn’t leave me alone unless my prince saved me, the tower wasn’t high school, the dragon wasn’t being single, and the prince would never be a man. The truth of the matter is this, my heart was my tower, the world was my dragon, and Jesus Christ is my Prince.
The heart is deceitful above all things,
and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind]?
Jeremiah 17:8-10 (AMP)
My heart was my tower and it was deceiving me. I believed with everything in me that high school was my tower, being single was my dragon, and some man I would one day meet and date was my prince. Every ounce of my being told me that if I was ever to be happy, I would have to fall in love with a prince who would slay my dragon named, Single. My heart was telling me that if I could just get out of high school and meet some guys that I hadn’t known my whole life, then I would be saved by true love’s kiss. My heart was deceiving me into believing that I absolutely *had* to have a boyfriend in order to be happy.
Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]
Romans 12:2 (AMP)
The world was my dragon and it had me in its clutches. Magazine covers, internet articles, music videos, song lyrics, popular movies, romantic stories, and my favorite childhood fairytales—it seemed like everywhere I looked I was being told that the key to happiness was having a boyfriend. That’s why my heart was able to deceive me so convincingly. I’ve grown up as a hopeless romantic! I dream of falling in love with prince charming, having a fairytale wedding, raising the ideal family, and making it to happily ever after with an ever-enduring marriage. Wanting those things is not a bad thing, but the mindset I used to have about those things was bad. I let the world tell me having a relationship like the ones in my favorite chick flicks, the ones written by Nicholas Sparks, and my favorite love songs, namely those sung by Taylor Swift, was the most important thing I could ever have in this world. The world is wrong though, oh so very wrong!
For your Maker is your Husband—the Lord of hosts is His name—and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; the God of the whole earth He is called.
Isaiah 54:5 (AMP)
Jesus Christ is my Prince; He has already slain my dragon and unlocked my tower, and He’s coming back for me one day very soon. My prince isn’t some knight in shining armor carrying a javelin and riding on a white horse, he’s not a high school all-star joke with straight A’s, and a winning personality who drives a muscle car, nor is he some celebrity rock star with a voice like honey and the best of everything money can buy, including the most expensive sports car known to man! My Prince does however ride a white horse and He is a Rebel with a cause, despised by the majority of humanity, who has fire in His eyes, blood on his clothes, a sword in his mouth, and a tattoo on his thigh. Revelation 19:11-16
I am no longer giving into the lie that society has fed me, the lie that so many women believe—only a man can make me happy! Excuse me while I laugh! I am single, I’ve been single for twenty years, and ya know what? I AM HAPPY!!!! I don’t need a man to make me happy I just need THE MAN to make me happy! I’ve given up on looking for “Prince Charming.” If I have a prince charming who is looking for me, then great! I’ll be so very happy when he decides to grace me with his presence, but until that day comes, I’m not just gonna sit around for him. I’m going to live my life to the fullest, try to ignore the cons of being single, and keep my focus on the pros of being single. As a single girl, I’m not tied down! I can focus on me, my relationships with my friends, and my relationships with my family and most importantly my relationship with God! I can dream big about my goals in life! I can go out with friends on a Friday night and not worry about what someone else is or isn’t doing. I can be friends with guys and not care if someone is okay with it or not. And, most importantly, I can serve God whole-heartedly without being distracted by another man in my life.1 Corinthians 7:34 As Paul says in 1 Corinthians, I’m not saying being in a relationship is a bad thing, on the contrary, being in relationship is a beautiful and God-blessed experience that should not be taken lightly and I still dream of getting married one day. However, being single is just as beautiful and just as God-blessed as being in a relationship is! I’m slowly but surely coming to terms with the fact that God may never have me get married, yes I’m only twenty, so I don’t have to worry about that too much right now, but it is something that I should consider even at a young age. What if God never has me get married? Well, I’m not gonna lie, I’ll be totally bummed if God never has me get married, but if I don’t get married, that’ll be okay with me, because God is my one true love and I don’t need a man to make me happy!
The point in saying all of the above is this: Yes, there are many cons to being single, but so what! There are many cons to everything under the sun! Being single and being in a relationship are not opposites, so we need to stop comparing them to one another! Single Christian women and taken Christian women are all the same at the end of the day, we all just want to be happy and feel loved and the only One who can truly make us feel happy and loved isn’t of this world! He is supernatural and gives His love unconditionally! So let’s stop comparing the single life to the relationship life! If you’re single, be happy and think about all the things you can do now that you wouldn’t be able to do if you had a boyfriend! If you’re in a relationship, don’t take your man for granted and always remember that even when he fails, and he will fail you, God will NEVER fail you! Single and taken women alike, cling to God and know that only He will fulfill your desire to be happy and loved!